Every night before I go to sleep my mind seems to always feel the need to think of something to think about. I might be really tired and want to go to sleep but I still think about a bunch of random stuff every night. This is probably why it takes me 2-3 hours to fall asleep every single night. I mention this all the time but I really don't think people believe me. So... you should believe me :) This will probably be the first of many blogged accounts of my nightly brainstorms.
Anyways, I don't think about this often (and usually my nighttime thinking sessions are wayyy lighter subject material I assure you) but last night for some reason I was replaying the day when our house caught on fire. It was the day we got out of school for winter break and I remember being so happy and excited that my little boyfriend at the time had given me the cutest silver heart bracelet as my Christmas present. I don't need to (or want to) go into detail of everything that happened that day but it was a specific point in my life that has left a lasting scar on my heart. A lot of things have stemmed from it that have affected me since then. To be honest, I have never told anyone what all I've been through. I can't decide if it's because I don't want to because I don't think people will understand... or if it's because the questions aren't asked. Even if you asked though I probably wouldn't want to tell you :) Mostly because I wouldn't want to get upset. But I think I need to be stronger and know that it's better to allow those around you to understand where you're coming from and why you are the way you are. Why you have certain fears that aren't easily explained. Why you aren't like everyone else when it comes to how you do things.
Losing everything can make you so thankful for what you do have. In my case, it can also leave you with a constant fear in the back of your mind of something similar happening again or losing something you can't replace. But...
"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid." Psalm 56:3-4
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